There is a post going around titled “FYI-If You’re a Teenage Girl” from a mother of teen boys trying to “help out” a family friend (who happens to be a teen girl). As the parent of a daughter and a son I take strong offense to her sexism for both genders.
I don’t buy this load of garbage she wrote. This is slut shaming pure and simple. How can this mom possibly expect her shirtless, tan, and blond sons to constrain themselves from thinking sexual thoughts ALL THE TIME because a teen girl posted a pic of herself with a shirt and no bra underneath? THE SHAME IS ON THIS GIRL for the sexual thoughts her sons will inevitably have, don’t you dare point a finger at her sons!
“Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it? You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?”
So males are only sexual creatures that can’t behave properly after seeing a female in any state of ‘undress’? Are her sons incapable of seeing people as people or only as sexual ‘things’? When does this cross over from seeing a specific female in what you consider a compromising pose to transfer that over to ALL females? Pictures of your boys without shirts on is okay? How do you expect girls not to look at them only sexually again? Years from now will he carry an image of a teeshirt-but-no-bra girl from his youth into the courtroom as an excuse for rape?
I see this as slut shaming in the worst way with blame of things not even done or thought reflected off of this woman’s oh-so-perfect sons onto a girl that she has now turned into an object. This mother also seems to assume that the parent(s) of the teen girl have no clue what their daughter is posting (there is no way to know from the post). Mrs. Hall, your parenting skills must be so far above the other mother’s that you must have to learn to breathe thin air. Not only are you shaming the teen girl, you are shaming her mother.
I have let my 12 year old daughter read the original post. Her question? Why does this blame the boys for the fears the mother has?
I’m curious as well…
EDIT: I also like how my comment posted hours before others, is still waiting in moderation while the author has gone ahead and approved other comments that agree with her.
THANK YOU! What a load of crap from that mother. Yes, girls should be aware that everything they post on FB is forever and can be accessed by many. That’s just common sense for BOTH sexes. I get really tired of adults who post about their disgust for behaviors they deem inappropriate as adults when they were doing the same, simlilar or worse in their youth. Deep breaths all around, please.
My comment hasn’t been let through either.. she seems only to be letting the positive posts come through. She seems to be fully unaware of how controversial her view is and certainly didn’t expect the debate she is now being confronted with and now perhaps censoring.
Here’s mine
Clare Cosgrove (@Grooveyleddy) says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
September 4, 2013 at 9:51 am
Why are Americans so afraid of nipples..? What you are teaching your boys is that ALL men are out of control sex monsters ..who can only think with their penises. You are teaching your children that it’s not their fault if they don’t keep themselves under control.
What you should be teaching your children is not to judge..assume and always to be kind. What you are doing is Slut shaming a young girl in reality for being fully clothed ..but not wearing a bra!!
You post photo’s of your sons half naked on the beach.. obvious double standard.. is it acceptable in your eyes for a girl to post photos of herself in a bikini with her friends having fun on the beach.. or is that too much skin and sexuality?
Teach your sons respect..to keep themselves under control and not to judge don’t teach them that they are animals!
It makes me cringe when I see fully grown women totally undermine other women. Doesn’t she know that once we ladies read hateful slut-shaming, we can’t ever un-read it?
I don’t think that’s “slut shamming” rather its a dad trying to teach your sons to grow up to be guys who respect woman. Teenage (and adult) girls are way to liberal with what they share both online and in real life.
In a world full of parents who aren’t involved at all in their children’s online lives, kudos’ to this dad for stepping up. Hopefully the girl’s parents will step up as well…
Uh, Noah’s Dad, the post was written by a mother, not the dad. There are numerous examples given in the original post of where this mother passes all responsibility of her son’s ‘sexual’ thoughts to the teen girl. All parents of both genders need to take responsibility for what their kids see and do. Girls are allowed to be as “LIBERAL” as they damn well please, as mutually decided upon by that girl and her parents.
A better way to approach this situation might have been not to “call out” this teen girl for making her sons think of her sexually (note that the MOM ‘thinks’ the teen girl isn’t wearing a bra, the kids noticed the girls decor in her room). A better approach with her teen sons might have been to talk to them about treating girls respectfully no matter what ‘vibes’ a girl gives off, what she wears, how she talks…. Not passing off the blame to this girl.
I agree with your thoughts somewhat – calling out this girl and girls in general in the context of teen boys seeing them this way – well that’s just setting up the double standard, it’s true.
What I wish she’d done is called out a general cautionary tale for all parents of ALL teens on what should and shouldn’t be posted on the internet. I’m sure her boys aren’t innocent on Instagram.