A few years back when this whole ‘new social media’ was starting up, I was right there in the thick of things. Hell, I’ve been blogging for almost 9 years. I tend to catch tech in it’s infancy and jump in for the ride. When podcasting started up, I was in it too. It was an ‘easy’ thing to do isolated in my house with a pre-schooler. Now it’s starting to go full-circle and face to face meetups are more frequent, and actually fairly local to me. Last year when I was pregnant, I tried to ‘get out’ as much as I could – New Media Expo and two Podcamps (Philly/NYC), as well as a scrapbooking weekend out. I even got out to see my favorite band when I was 4 months pregnant. I was sort of saving it up because I knew in 2008 I’d be off the market and home with an infant and a 1st grader. I thought I could handle it knowing I got to go to some pretty amazing events last year.
I’m not okay with it. It SUCKS.
I don’t have anyplace to go, and even when I do, I can’t go (I had to miss Jeff Pulver’s Social Media Breakfast and the New Media Meetup this week). My son is 3.5 months old and breastfed, so I can’t go anywhere where I can’t bring him. Which limits almost everything but grocery shopping. I’m not a soccer mom or playdate mom type of gal, and don’t have anyone ‘local’ that I can hang with or hit the mall or lunch with. I’ve got plenty of ‘friends’ online, but I can’t even get out of my house and meet them when the opportunity comes up, because I’m stuck at home with kids. It SUCKS and I know that’s selfish of me. I feel guilty about any little thing that I want to do for myself. IT SUCKS.
My life this week has been nothing but doctors visits, dentist visits, and veterinary visits. The hour I spent over the weekend sitting at the nail salon made me feel even worse – an hour I could be doing SOMETHING for my family or cleaning the house. Plus, everyone there seemed to be chatting with a girlfriend about going shopping or out for the night. And not 21 year olds, women my age or older even.
What the hell happened to me?
Yeah..your a mommy. Your in the hard part for your selfish side. But remember how fast kidlette grew up and was suddenly in school…that will happen again. You will go out again and regain all that you had and more. As hard as it is to see when your stuck in the everyday mundane stuff..dont forget..how nice it is that he isnt walking and getting into stuff yet..lol. I miss many things too right now..things you cant control and its hard. I think you will find a way..this winter just bites anyway!
Jenny’s right about winter- when you can get out with less effort (bundling baby, bundling you, checking weather, etc.) things will get a bit easier.
When my kids were babies (at least the older two) my online friends were my lifeline- I really didn’t have a social life outside of them, and the nearest one lives in MD (we’ve still never met!) I was never a playdate mommy either- not all that interested in being “friends” with someone just because our babies were the same age.
Don’t worry about feeling selfish- and don’t try to do it all. It’s ok to lose yourself in being a mommy, we’ll still be here.